A few years ago when my husband and I were struggling to adjust to life with just one child, my mother-in-law sent me an email. It was one of those emails that had been passed from address book to address book and best friend to friend in need. And I could tell by the amount of “FW:’s” in the subject line (that no one bothered to erase) that it was most likely the kind of email that would have some funny caption accompanied by photos or video of puppies and babies in all kinds of predicaments. But it wasn’t, and I was pleasantly surprised by it’s simple but profound message. Now don’t get me wrong, it was still one of “those” emails, but to this day I think about it, often. And remind my husband about it even more often.
The email was this, Golf Balls, Sand and 2 Cups of Coffee, and it’s probably made it’s way into your inbox at least once over the years if not more. I no longer have the version my mother-in-law sent me, but the story lives in infamy online — and to share it with you I’ve chosen POPSUGAR’s version because it’s the closest to the one I remember.
What a Mayonnaise Jar Can Teach Us About Life
Once in a while, you’ll come across a story that makes you think. The simple story of the professor with the mayonnaise jar and two cups of coffee is one of those gems. The origin of the story is unknown, and different variations of it exists online. Although some have attributed it to writer Mary Lynn Plaisance, we checked with her, and it turns out she isn’t the author. We may never find out who wrote this inspiring tale or if it even happened in real life, but we can definitely learn some valuable lessons from reading it. Here is the story in its entirety:
When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the two cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous “yes.”
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
“Now,” said the professor as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things — your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions — and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else — the small stuff.
“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first — the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”
The story dates as far back as 2005, as evidenced by this Snopes message board thread that shared it in December 2005. Anyone who has read about the professor and the mayonnaise jar will understand why this story lives on — it’s a valuable lesson wrapped up and presented in a compelling tale.
And that was the email. So why am I sharing this now? Because in addition to it’s thoughtful message that never gets old, I stumbled across not one but two priceless gems a couple days ago via Apartment Therapy’s website that reminded me of it. The two articles spoke directly to the above story and the real life never-ending story my husband and I play out almost daily. And when I say play out, I mean the constant struggle we engage in between clean and messy which ultimately leads to whose way is right and whose way is wrong. And just to be 100 % clear, I’m the “wrong” and “messy” one.
The first article was 5 Unexpected Things Happy People Have in their Homes. Number one on the list:
“A mess
Happy people know how to live in the moment and they know that obsessing over a mess is just no fun. Sure, there are times when you have to buckle down and get things clean, but those times can wait until the fun is over. There’s no need to fret about making a mess while you’re having a party, doing a craft project or cooking a huge meal. The chores will get done eventually and in the meantime, you’re really living.” — Apartment Therapy
I don’t know why, but having it in writing just feels good, like really good. I know being messy makes me a happier person and a better mom because I know that life itself is in the mess. And for many, simply recognizing that can be half the battle. If you’re “messy,” you’re in the moment, so stay there, feel alive, don’t just be alive! It’s an awesome energy to harness once you get the hang of it because people who understand the power of living in the present understand that happiness thrives in the moment. And what do you get when you focus on happy? Even more happy! So yes, that’s where you’ll find happy me these days, in the middle of a mess, much to the dismay of my otherwise agreeable hubby.
Now, I may be messy but I’m not completely unsympathetic to his OCD personality, I understand and accept that he simply needs order and clean hands to feel relaxed and at home and I try and remind myself of that when he wipes the boys’ hands before they’ve even finished eating. But I also know that sometimes you just need to remove yourself from yourself and enjoy whatever comes your way. Stop and experience your present, let the rest go and get messy! Which bring me to the second article, When it’s time to Stop Cleaning and Time to Start Making a Mess.
“I know our time can fill up, or our moods can be overwhelming, but today, set a challenge for yourself – a good 30 minutes, down on the ground, making a mess. Sure, there’ll be cleaning up to do after that. But I’m pretty certain, it will be worth it.
Enough said. I’ve got 30 minutes, do you?
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