Hello! And thanks for taking the time to check out my blog and possibly quench your curiosity about the ‘new kid on the blog.’ I’m Kerri, and I’m messybydesign. I’ll start with me and then go on to explain the meaning behind the name if that’s ok. I read so many “tips” about getting started that all the well intentioned posts had me forgetting this part was literally about me. It’s my life, my identity, my story and I should probably stick to listening to myself and not create anxiety where I previously had none. Because I’m not entirely sure which was to come first anymore, me or the name I made up to be clever. Nevertheless, or perhaps more importantly, while reading those tips, I couldn’t help but wonder why so much emphasis was being placed on the “About Me.” Was I being naïve off the bat? Was I supposed to dread writing the about me? If people liked my writing or thought my ideas had merit would they not come back because I’m from Pennsylvania? Or that my choice in dogs has a smooched face and curly tail? That I’m not a real blonde? I prefer to spell gray with an e. That I don’t like ice cream or my that husband has no idea how much I secretly like country music? Gone? Just like that? Really?

I felt like it was high school picture day reading those tips and no matter what I wore (wrote), all my flaws would be exposed in a harsh light, printed on a page for my peers to rip apart. I was not off to a good start. But after taking a deep breath and affirming to myself what has become my mantra, “don’t think, just do,” (next tattoo for sure) I sat down to write this little ditty…and realized why it wasn’t such a little ditty after all. I’m sure for plenty of people out there this was a simple exercise in bravado or the easiest part of filling in WordPress, but for those who wrote the tips mentioned above, I get it now, I t o t a l l y get it. People hate this part for a reason, hundreds of reasons I’m sure. Anything from striping away that final layer of anonymity and revealing the source behind the mystique to seeing your life summed up in black and white and not being oh so thrilled with what it totals. This is where it’s all boiled down and you are you, and all your vital stats sum up where you’re from, why you’re here and what you’re up to or into. It’s simple yet so…real. What stays, what goes, who am I, really? It’s crazy powerful if you’re into that whole transparency thing as blogs are.

And if you aren’t blogging yourself, then maybe you’ve picked up a self help book (or 10) written in the last decade and stumbled across the exercise in writing your obituaries. Yup, plural. One of your current life if you bit the bullet tomorrow and one more to help you wake up and be the person you dare to. You get to write out your do over, no holds barred. But first you’re forced to accept that your current life is in desperate need of a refresh and that you are stuck on snooze. And that is exactly what writing this feels like.

Which brings me back to me. 30 days ago, had I been asked to write an About Me page, I unknowingly would have listed only accomplishments and facts I could prove soundly or others could validate easily, like I’m originally from Allentown, I’ve spent the last 15 years in CA and I’ve worked in the fashion industry for more than 10 of those. I had a pug named Roxy who was the first love of my life but died 2 years ago. I owned 2 boutiques until the recession got the better of them and me in some ways. I live on the west side in sunny Los Angeles and I really don’t mind the traffic, honestly I don’t. It would have read well but nothing spectacular or unique would have kept you intrigued, the juicy tidbits lacking any tasty marrow that heightened your experience. And so other details would have surely followed, tasting much the same. Things like I’m married, have kids and that I love decorating our new(ish) house. I am sucker for DIY projects and can get lost in a book store for hours, touching every jacket that begs for it, but still nothing riveting would connect us. And when the paragraphs made their final point, if you made it that far, and the piece came to a close, the highlight of the introduction to Kerri, would have been my job working for a fast growing women’s lifestyle brand, a job that turned into a lucrative 5 year career. Because WILDFOX was my thing, my identity, my circle of friends, my reason for a nanny. And believe it or not I didn’t hate Mondays, I didn’t hate the commute or my 8 hours a day in an office with no windows. Life was good! Obituary 1 complete.

The whole thing probably would have taken me 10 minutes to write, 15 max. But I didn’t write this 30 days ago (and I’m on day 3 writing this). Truth be told, I never would have sat down to write anything other than an entry in my kids baby book (lie)..despite my well earned degree in Journalism and my absolute passion for words and their conjoined cadence (truth). My life was good, like I said, everything was going fine. So, why listen to the whispers in my heart and the pang in my chest as I touched those book jackets, the ones that turned my fingers into a conduit for jealousy and sank my stomach with the burden of regret? I hadn’t told a soul what was chipping away at mine. So why?

Fast forward one month to the day (don’t worry I’ll get to that part in a minute) and let me re-introduce myself. I am Kerri Harlow, writer, blogger, home stylist, interior designer, part time therapist — part time referee and full time wife and mother. World traveler and lover of pugs, New York Times best selling author and friend of Ellen’s, pen pal of Oprah. It’s truly wonderful to meet you, please pardon my tardiness, I don’t know what took me so long to get here (can’t blame the traffic) but what matters is that I am here and I am everything I desire to be and more, right now. Coming on strong? Good. It feels good. So now let me really tell you a little more about myself, all the good stuff anyway. I am living my life on purpose, for me — from here on out. And I’ve started this blog to flush out the fears and set myself up to be accountable for going big and accomplishing bigger. I’m 30 days in and honestly I feel like I should be holding a chip or something, some tangible expression of the bold declaration I just mustered the courage to announce, but nonetheless, it feels amazing. Because my life is full and I am full in it, right now. There are no backsies, no do overs, no time outs. No excuses, no safety nets. Literally. I am finally listening to the nudge of the universe and following my bliss. I am living my dreams, am choosing happiness, and am thrilled to have you along as I embark on this journey. Obituary #2, ready set go!

So What happened? Because I’m obviously not dead. Well, it’s simple (or complicated), that amazing job that I loved so much and thought loved me back, turns out it wasn’t so into me after all. I was “let go,” and instantly free falling. Caught in the middle of a wee bit of a “restructure,” they said. Fired, I heard. Me. Now, you read the About Me, Obit 1, or as Jen Sincero calls it, my big snooze — I might not be the first choice to host a game show but I’m certainly not the kind of person who gets fired! Corporate loves steady as she goes! And I was steady! But as anyone who’s ever been sat down and handed their walking papers knows, it wasn’t up for debate, my services were no longer needed and my schedule got a few free hours inserted between 9 and 5 effective immediately.

Once I emerged from my bunker I realized I had a choice to make, the single most important choice I could make for myself and in turn my family. What next?

Instead of crying (which I did for 4 days, I’m still human and female) or going back to “fine,” (taking the first thing that came my way) my choice is to listen to my intuition and seize the moment. I’m trusting in the universe that my path will be clear one step at a time, surrendering to the idea that I am responsible for my life and what I have attracted, the pretty and the painful, and I am opening myself up to knowing I am already everything I desire, and more. I am moving forward as the example I want to be for myself and my kids and if necessary, for you. I thought I was falling, but I know now, after getting real familiar with what’s at my core and sitting in my “ugly” (as Sincero calls it) for those 4 days, I’m actually jumping, on purpose, right now. Ok, technically yes, you are correct, it was more of a push than a jump that started this whole journey of mine but I’m living the positive instead of the negative and that action was born from my burning desire to make radical changes in my life. I’m looking for the marrow every day, sending out the good vibes and learning happiness truly is a choice.

And this is defiantly something I want you to know About Me, I’m not just dreaming anymore, I am believing, I am all in. I’ve put fear and self doubt aside and I’m inspiring myself (and hopefully others) from true action and leading by example (hello!!! I’m blogging!). So my hope is this, that after reading this or another one of my paradigm shifting posts (I told you I’m going big) you’ll sign on to witness for yourself the magic (science) of the universe (my life and path illuminated by living blissfully) and then choose to stay and play because somewhere along the way you realized how beautiful it already is (or that I’m not as delusional as you originally believed and I have some pretty cool ideas for decorating). But whatever reason you choose, remember something brought you here (or conversely I drew you in) and my want is simple, for you to live with your hands sticky from all of life’s sweet stuff! Get messy with me by design — on purpose. Live. Do happy everyday. What’s stopping you?

Okay, okay! I know we only just met and now it appears I’m trying to change you. Trust me, I ‘m not. I’ve bee married for almost 8 years and one lesson I have learned without a shadow of a doubt is you cannot change anyone else, no matter how much you want them to stop lining up the sippy cups in the sink and stick them in the dishwasher where they belong. One is right next to the other, just open and bend! But seriously, all I want to do here is share where time gets lost for me, follow my bliss and be the creative force I know I am. I want to follow the feeling of happiness like a baby bopping to the beat and simply do what makes me happy, more — and marvel as the rest falls into place. Pretty awesome experiment to witness if you ask me! But if you’re skeptical, that’s fine too. Hang around for photos of the cutest kids on the planet, my home make-overs, arts and crafts or just some company. But this blog is all about happy, 1000+ ways from crappy to happy, turning why into why not.

I’m a happiness blog — and if my happy and your happy were to meet and share a smile together, they’d be somewhere on this Venn diagram.

Why writing? This one holds the freak factor for me. It’s my one thing that has gotten me out of and through everything. I simply cannot imagine pushing it aside and neglecting it for one more nanosecond. I’m publishing the swirling diction in my head for once and for all, quite literally! This happy is what XX calls my must. Did I mention my termination has afforded me oodles of time to read and I’m living like a thirsty sponge? Combine this with my love of book stores and I’m on a happy high!

Home styling and design? This happy place was born from 13 moves in 15 years. I simply got really good at faking the really good stuff: pillows, curtains, art, you name it. Add in the purchase of a house, some roots and I can get lost in finding happy things to do! I love designing things myself, have turned apartments into homes, hacked upgrades landlords applauded me for, and recently learned the magic of peel and stick wallpaper and washi tape– that’s a post of its own for me! I also found I I love the thrill of the hunt (for the perfect rug, table, sofa or lamp) as much as the actual transformation and discovered I’m a textiles fanatic! And when the choices I make organically show up in magazines, books and blogs, the affirmation of my talent makes me seriously happy. I’m also thankful, seriously thankful because my passion does just as much for my soul as it does for a room and in turn everyone who enters both. So I’m listening to my happy here and doing more of this, for myself and others.

I’ve also discovered my desire to make rooms happy is happiest designing and crafting and DIYing for half pints, nurseries, playrooms or simply corners reserved for everything in miniature. And for anyone who knows me, this one has to come as the biggest contradiction because having kids was never part of my big picture, so now having them and finding this sweet spot is happiness manifested. Literally.

And this brings us to my kids. Three boys to be exact. Three happy little accidents. I know I know, one kid you can call an “accident,” but no more than 2. Not possible. Yes, possible when the second time around you get…twins. But let me back up, in the kids department I was very up front with my husband before we married that I wasn’t so sure that’s how I saw my life going down. I think he, however, secretly thought he could get me to come around while I secretly thought that’s just ridiculous — I hold all the cards here. Ha! Turns out the universe holds the cards and somehow picked up on that ever so slight and ever so faint signal that maybe, just maybe somewhere in my subconscious I wasn’t sure if passing up on being a mom was in my best interests. Your thoughts really do have some serious ammunition behind them, conscious or not! And so I got pregnant while on birth control and antibiotics. At 35. Sebastian is now 3 1/2 and still deciding for himself how this whole big brother thing will take form but he’s coming around. Two toddlers coming at you all day long is a lot, I can attest to that and putting it in perspective remains a daily ritual.

Now the “Brothers,” Oliver and Sawyer, fraternal twins born a minute apart and accident number two and three. All I can say here is that when your doctor tells you to wait 60 days for your new birth control to be effective, listen. And don’t let alcohol talk you into thinking 45 days is basically 60. 45 days is 45 days and not even close to 60 here. The twins are now 1 1/2 and we call our house the 3 ring circus, because juggling takes center stage in every way shape and form. And being outnumbered by the “talent” creates more forms of juggling than I ever knew humanly possibly. It was a rough year to say the least, and we didn’t handle it with grace that’s for sure, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel and things are good! Or at least I think that’s a light, maybe it’s a wormhole? Either way, accepting the messy and surrendering to the powers that be has lead to much more happy. Seriously good quality happy!

 

All this brings us to messybydesign. Where do I begin? With the obvious I suppose. Because life is messy by our design. And kids are messy by design. And marriage is messy. Homes are messy. But working with it, learning to love the chaos and finding joy in my unique mess is why I’m here. I created this mess to begin with, I designed it, I accept this truth. So watch me design something better! I’m not fighting it anymore, I’m embracing my mess, learning and growing one happy day at a time. Because when I’m messy, I know I’m in the moment. I’m alive! And ain’t that really what it’s all about?